finding out & our first doctors visits

i kept a short-hand notebook of 'the beginning' - finding out and all.  i thought i'd record them here to have as well as in our little babe's notebook.

nov. 23: 3 invalid pregancy tests - yes THREE!  it was nerve wracking, i was anxious and excited, all rolled into one.  i thought about not telling ben and if it were a 'yes' surprising him somehow, but since we weren't 'trying' i thought he might just keel over & i really wanted someone to go through it all with.

nov. 24th thanksgiving day:  wake up around 8:00 lay there and snuggle until we both see that the other is awake around 8:30.  we prayed & thanked God for the many blessings in our lives and asked that God would help to grow and mold us to be more like Him. that we would be full of the Spirit and that our home would glorify God.  we are so thankful for what the Lord has done.  then i took another test.  this time the control window did not stay white.  nor did the question mark box.  it was a plus sign.  i deep pink plus sign.

ben gets off the phone and says..."so what's going on in there?"  i respond "uhhh...babe"  and i think we both know what's going on.  we pray again.

we prayed- much thanks and for guidance and praise for God's goodness

such a mess of emotions:  fear, unknown, excitement, thanksgiving, questions, love  -- we're scared about finances and all the changes that will happen, we talk about dr.'s appointments, it's completely surreal.

then we do what all good parents would do...scour the internet to try and get a crash-course on babies.  we know nothing.  i should be about 5 weeks along-ish and ben says "our baby looks like a dinosaur" based on webmd.

nothing feels very different for me yet.  i have had cramps for about a week and a half but without the girly time to make it make sense.  itty bitty backaches.  but no headaches or extra fatigue which is comical because i'm kind of famous for terrible headaches and being inexplicably tired. [this did change after i wrote this...fyi]

it's thanksgiving weekend.  we literally see nearly everyone we know in the world.  three sides of our families, extended families, two giant sets of friends in two different cities, and our yl family too.  keeping the secret with it being so new was unbearable.  and i still hadn't been to a doctor.  we waited to take a second home test the next morning [they say that's the best time].  it was another positive.  sunday evening i hop into urgent care just to see if they'll set me up an appointment with the lab at our clinic on monday.  my dr. doesn't take calls until after 8 but the lab is open at 7 so i could go without missing work if u.c. would just set me up!  instead they say, we can see you right now.  i wasn't prepared.  ben wasn't there and i got all clammy and my heart was beating fast. we were going to hear a professional tell us...for real.

the doctor comes back and says "congratulations, you are pregnant!"  holy crap.  that's what i think.  i don't think i said it out loud but i might have.  so surreal...so so so surreal.  she tells me all the things that i shouldn't and should do - like do drink water, don't do meth.  and she told me that i should call an ob/gyn.

they want to see me immediately - mainly to again tell me to drink water and not do meth.  but i was excited for that too.  they took another test, that was again positive.  it still doesn't feel real.  but this time ben's here so maybe i'm not imagining it.  they draw a gallon of my blood [not an exaggeration] and send me on my merry way.

dec 2:

at our first ever baby dr. appointment...

actually felt like this:

and my sweet & awesome husband right there with me:

once we had even more confirmation we knew we'd want to tell our families.  we weren't all going to be together for a few more weeks but christmas was quickly approaching.  what better gift than to give all your families a baby, right?  we started hatching a plan.  i'll be back soon with how that unfolded.

and it may not be ok but i just have to post this heinous picture of me.  this was the morning of the first 'yes' test.  rolled out of bed, all kinds of crazy, wearing my ducks [appropriate] and full of pure joy!