week 14

this gorgeous place is partially responsible for my absence.  i was here.  picture stolen from a friend, steph dorsey.  it was gorgeous and warm and just so nice to feel the sun.  i was a horrible photographer [as usual] so the only photos i got were from the plane. go figure.  i'll come back to that soon though.  it was incredibly fun but i do feel like i've been learning things too.  very sweet & encouraging time with the Lord.  i want to remember that.

now on to the littlest brzinski...

WEEK 14
what's cooking? [new baby things]: babeinski can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb.  babe is getting covered in thin tiny hair to keep it warm until it fattens up.  i also think that its little skeletal system is working in there.  babe is 3.5" - 4" long & is about the size of a lemon, clinched fist or flip phone [closed, unless you have a zoolander phone].

gender: only 9 days until we find out.  i could ralph i'm so excited!  a lot of people have asked if we'll keep the gender or name a secret until the baby comes.  we're thinking no for both.  i think our 3 month secret and the surprise of the baby being out in the world will be good enough for me!

movement: all the sites say that itty bitty is swimming all over the place and is much more graceful than its former 'jerky' self.

momma developments: feeling fantastic.  still a little bit tired.  i've been taking naps when i can [as all the literature suggests, and who rebel against that?].  still have nosebleeds but that's about all.

total weight gain: 3.5-5 pounds [depending on when you weigh me]

maternity clothes: still not yet. but i sometimes have to adjust my pants around my belly when i'm sitting. i looked at maternity clothes at target last week [normally inexpensive & cute] but was sorely disappointed.  i hope i just went on a bad day.

cravings: still no "got have a _____ or else!" moments.  i get hungry more often so i've been trying to keep snacks handy.

anything hard?
understanding how insurance works.  i don't know if i'm dumb or if its just really complicated.  we're looking forward to having it all straightened out & being able to really anticipate the total costs and how to plan / budget. 

ben & i have both been really busy and that's rough.  we have lots of-out-town trips coming up & plans all over the calendar.  i'm hoping to find a good balance between work, ministry, friends, family, school, planning, learning, resting & playing - and find it soon.

feeling really out of control when it comes to the babe and its development.  it's just a really strange feeling that it is impossible to check up on how they are doing in there.  i have to wait weeks in between doctor's appointments and months in between ultrasounds so basically its all a mystery from there.  i hadn't ever thought about that before being pregnant.  if the babe was out of the womb i'd never go 5 weeks without know it's ok, so its just kind of bizarre that that's the reality for now.

never forget: this week i got to hear the baby's heartbeat again.  i thought that the nurse was just picking up mine and got scared that she couldn't find the baby's.  then after i counted my own pulse, which was about 70 beats/min, i concluded the educated professional did actually know what she was doing when she said that the 179 beats/min weren't mine.

i got to see all kinds of friends at the yl all staff conference [photo above] for the first time since we've been pregnant.  friends from all over the country that we rarely see but truly love.  that was a blessing & so fun to celebrate with them.

baby info sources:
baby center
parents connect
baby zone

m.i.a.

so i've definitely been off the radar for a while, minus a few random baby posts sprinkled throughout.  i'm hoping to change that real soon.  free time is just a hot commodity and it's hard to figure out what to do [and when!] for me.  but i just wanted to stop by and say come back tonight because i will be updating yet again and hopefully this week will be full of fun things around the ol' blog.

until then...things that make me melt...itty bitty, teeny tiny shoes

[toms]

[joyfolie]

[baby boots::pattern]

celebrations: birthdays & engagements

benny's birthday is coming up quickly and we were able to get away to northern ky to visit & celebrate with ben's parents.  it was a perfect 24 hour trip!  just wish it were longer!

 

benny!  you're so close to 27!  holy moly...

i'm really glad that we get to grow up together.

our next party stop was for my sweet friend holly.  her and her beau, matt have decided to tie the knot.  we are so excited for them and for all the ways that the Lord is going to grow them and use them through marriage.  i wasn't the best photographer but i had to snap a few.

::sharing the gorgeous bling::

congratulations happy couple!

what's a guy to do after a weekend full of parties?  well go to sleep on the tiny couch and cover yourself in blankets, jackets and fleeces.  why not?  i walked in and found him like that.  hahaha!

week 12 & 13

i've decided that i'll update on sundays [the last day of each 'week' of pregnancy] for me.  my babe & bump will be at its biggest for the week and i can record all that's happening with little babeinski & me.

since i didn't do this last week i'm going to try and start back a week to recap, i'll answer these questions each week and see how we progress!

WEEK 12
what's cooking? [new baby things]:  babeinski has reflexes, can open and close its hands, his eyes and ears are where they will stay.  it's digestive system is working / forming and its marrow is producing white blood cells to protect it.  its own baby-making system is in the works too.  it is about just about 2 inches long around the size of a lime or a large plum.
gender: we find out the first week of february, we're dying to know.
movement: babe is moving a ton [they say, and so does the ultrasound] but can't feel a thing yet.
momma developments: still feeling great.  it's a miracle really.  no morning sickness ever, fewer headaches than i've ever had in my life & no heartburn [yet].  please don't hate me...this really has been the most perfect, miraculous pregnancy i could have ever imagined so far.  the only thing that i really encountered was fatigue.  but after being very tired for a very long time i'm sleeping really soundly now and feeling more rested than normal, pregnancy normal, not real life normal. oh, a few more minor things: nose bleeds and faintness / light-headedness. 
total weight gain: 3-3.5 pounds
maternity clothes: not yet.  but i sometimes have to adjust my pants around my belly when i'm sitting.
cravings: i don't have anything more than really wanting something like normal.  you know sometimes you get in the mood for _____ and it's your favorite food.  i just have that.  nothing abnormal, nothing that i don't normally like and no one thing that is persistent
anything hard?  we're wrestling through future career / financial decisions, continual struggle not to drink a pool-sized big gulp of dr. pepper [i'm trying to avoid caffeine because i'm not great at moderation]
never forget:  at the end of this week we announced our little one to the world - to many family & friends who have celebrated with us wholeheartedly.  it is really an exciting time!  i talked to my work, we talked to our team,  biblestudy and high school students directly.  again with precious and priceless reactions.  then we posted on fb & the blog and it was all out there.  it was so much fun to see the 'hooray' messages pour in.  i know that we aren't the first people ever to have a baby - but when it's your life, its just so monumental.

WEEK 13:
what's cooking? [new baby things]: babeinski is growing.  this week it is the size of a peach, about 3 inches long.  bones are growing in its arms and legs and now it has itty bitty fingerprints.  vocal chords are in the works and babe could be trying to suck its thumb now.
gender: we still find out the first week of february but i just moved our appointment so that benny doesn't miss the uk vs. fl game - tickets were an early birthday present!  hooray - that will be one awesome week.  ben's current gender guess is a little gentleman & mine is a tiny little princess.  we'll see who wins is right.
movement: again - babe is moving a ton [they say, and so does the ultrasound] but can't feel a thing yet.
momma developments / 'symptoms': still feeling great.  more nose bleeds, being tired & a few moments of light-headedness.  they use the word dizziness for this but that's not really how i feel.  i feel like i'm going to faint, but without ever fainting to know what that would really feel like.  my eyesight gets kind of weird, i feel real weak and really feel like i need to lie down - or else. annnnd my boobs hurt this week.  treat!
total weight gain:  3.5-5.5 pounds
maternity clothes: still not yet.  but i sometimes have to adjust my pants around my belly when i'm sitting.  i'm less self-conscience about my shirts now that everyone knows about the baby.  i don't actually know if anyone would notice the little bump but i was a sensitive about it when i was trying to be a secret keeper.  and i had to adjust my pre-pregnancy skinny belts around my waist multiple times each time i wore them.  i might need to add some more notches - ha!
cravings: i really wanted a grilled chicken sandwich all week - ate one and i'm done.  i still think i just want things every now and then, just like i always have
anything hard?  i cried this week about our dirty floors.  we have been talking about replacing our nasty carpet and padding since we moved into our house and when i realized that we probably won't be able to take care of that before the baby comes i cried.  and then i felt selfish and stupid because i know people do with much less than us and worse situations than us.  lets blame hormones.  ben and i are trying to get on the same page with life.  we're getting there & i love it.
never forget: we're done with the first trimester!  a third of the pregnancy is done.  the weeks are already going by so fast.  we've been talking about baby names.  we don't agree on many but just the thought that the little babe will grow up to be a person is crazy.

in case you're interested, here are a few resources i've found really helpful to see what is happening each week with the babe, they each say something a little different about what's going on in there:
what to expect
baby center
baby gaga
baby zone

ridiculousness & daily shenanigans with jenna(s)

i had plans.  we had plans.  jenna and i were going to have a lunch date and then get a little bump picture to document week 13.  i was going to save it until sunday [my decided 'update day'] but after having one of the most awesomely awkward days of my life i decided that it just needed to happen right now.  i'll get a little less gas-station-y pic this weekend.

so how did our plans unravel to the desperate point of taking bump pictures in a marathon in front of some brewskis you ask?  we picked jalapenos.  a little mexican restaurant that is essentially a cave for our dining destination.  not a joke, it looks like the middle of the night inside - mistake #1.  the food, queso & conversation were all perfect but the lighting?  non-existent.  we finish our meal with 20 minutes to spare, on accident.  what luck!  mistake #2 we keep talking instead of getting up and going to a photo-worthy location.  we walk outside and think about just getting a shot outside the building's bright blue walls.  it is freezing!  mistake #3, underestimating 20 degree weather with short-sleeves.  the coat cannot come off.  the bump is in hiding.  so where do we go with our 2 minutes to spare?  the gas station next door of course.  not at all bizarre and weird to take pictures of yourself in the middle of candy aisles accentuating your bulging stomach...no, not strange at all.

other awkward happenings of the day:

:: getting to the mexican restaurant before they can even unlock the doors.  how sad to be waiting outside for food.  c'mon that doesn't do anything for a girl's self-esteem.

:: i poured out two different cans of coke in my car today.   on accident, duh.  who would do that intentionally?  drink 1 i was actively drinking.  holding it while getting into my car after biblestudy around 8am.  i have a giant bible, pop, purse and keys in hand.  something's gotta give and lucky for me it was a half-full coke that poured all over my center console and in between my seat.  treat!  drink 2 was old & got moved to my back seat holders to make room for the drink 1 can after the spill.  while my car was stopped, perfectly still, the can leapt to its demise onto the floorboard in my backseat.  pop just a'pourin.  the upside to this is that i still had about 400 napkins that i stole borrowed from panera from the first incident.

:: i parked nearly sideways in a spot without realizing it.  i walked out of the gas station and literally burst out chuckling.  what the heck is my deal?  who doesn't notice something like that?

:: after lunch and m&m's i'm officially too big for my 'skinny' belt. [term used loosely].  i could barely breathe.  sad.


what a day.  at least i saw this:

[here]

and this:

the reveal

with our exciting good news we could hardly wait to tell our closest friends and family.  we had come to a consensus that we'd wait to tell the world until at least our first ultrasound or maybe the first trimester mark - but our families and closest friends, not an option.  not to mention, after christmas we weren't really sure when the next time would be that we would see all the family in one place again.  we're telling them...done!

we thought of photos in frames, cards, t-shirts that say "i'm a grandma" etc. but in the end we thought we'd go with something short, sweet & to the point with our immediate families.  with christmas coming we got each family an additional 'present' / card to open last for the evening. 

i got some tiny shoes for our little one.  i tried to go unisex but really just got boy ones because the girls could never be mistaken for unisex.  i paired little babe's shoes with just about every pair of mine and ben's in the house and started taking pictures.  i settled on this one.  ben's sperry's which are second only to his rainbows [says his feet] and my little yellow loafers.  i thought they were darling on our deck.  and who doesn't love shoes that are only two inches long?

i couldn't wait for them to arrive because i knew they're purpose.  they were the messenger, the way that all of our families would know that a little one even existed.  i wrapped them up quickly so that no surprise visitors might happen upon them, but before i did...i just stared.

we did two different versions for the card.

::version 1::

::and version 2::

[excuse the french...it was just too funny not do it]

i was so anxious to tell / show them / have them open these little pieces of paper.  how would they react?  would they be so excited, would they be worried, surprised?  who knew what would happen?  our plan was to wait about another year to start 'trying' - once ben had started teaching, got his feet under him, we were able to save some dollars.  but you know what they say about our plans. ha!

i thought about taking pictures or video of reactions to the news because i know they would be so sweet to have someday but i didn't want to miss it.  i didn't want to miss their faces and the emotion with my face behind a camera.  i think i'll remember it always - and i don't say that about much.

both of my families were stunned.  some people cried, some people cheered.  its was kind of crazy but in the most perfect way.  we loved having people celebrate with us. 

ben's mom on the other hand asked me point-blank if i was pregnant over christmas.  i just lied.  yikes.  i was such a liar keeping this secret!  maybe she has a sixth sense for pregnant people, or maybe i was just too tired for a normal person but she knew.  maybe we still surprised her a little though since i am so covert ;)  benny's family was so excited too.  chris [ben's brother] thought that we might be lying since ben has jokingly announced that i'm pregnant for years now.

we couldn't keep it from two of our closest couples either.  we went to the poston's maybe immediately after the day of our doctor's appointment, i'm not sure.  all i know is that i was dying to tell them.  ang guessed almost immediately what was going on.  they were so excited.  their little boy is one of our favorites in the whole world and they have been trying to convince us to give him a little friend for quite some time.

next we told the ridd's.  rach thought i was going to tell them we were moving.  they were much happier with this news!  but definitely floored.  it was perfect!

we also told my girlfriends around this time at girl christmas [which i've yet to post about...oops].  i had them open one last present together.  it was the tiny baby shoes from the picture.  jenna opened it for everyone - but really she took out the tissue and just look at it herself.  she said something along the lines of "shut up!" "no way!" or "are you serious?" while everyone waited for her to pull the little booties on out.  of course all the girls screamed and threw their hands up [what else would we do?]  some cried, that's what they do & it was awesome.

each of their reactions, each of their faces were priceless at every celebration.  such sweet joy & excitement being genuinely shared with us.

we truly treasure all the love and support that our family & friends have poured out on us.  i already know that this little baby is so well loved & it isn't even out in the world yet - how is that possible?  we are so incredibly blessed. 

scarves for sale...

you should probably read that in your best 'caps for sale' story voice.  

my sweet friend, libby has started a little side business making the most lovely, cozy, chunky knit scarves and i'm in love.  of course i had to get my hands on one.  i'm kind of a scarf hoarder, sorry benny.  today he found a whole basket full of scarves that i didn't even know i had.  i hid them from myself in the top of a closet.  who looks up there?  so lets just say that for the next 4 months, you'll most likely see me in one daily.

if you're interested in one of these snuggly beauts for you or a friend be sure to hop on over to her site & getcha some - she mentioned them today.  i know she'd be more than happy to accessorize you!

 

mine is an infinity scarf [that you wrap several times around] in an olive / yellow-green color.  i called it pukey green when i asked for it...does that sound bad?  what can i say, i like pukey greens and mustardy yellows - its a problem.  someone needs to think of better names for colors.  crayola, i'm looking at you.

thanks lib, i'm thrilled!

finding out & our first doctors visits

i kept a short-hand notebook of 'the beginning' - finding out and all.  i thought i'd record them here to have as well as in our little babe's notebook.

nov. 23: 3 invalid pregancy tests - yes THREE!  it was nerve wracking, i was anxious and excited, all rolled into one.  i thought about not telling ben and if it were a 'yes' surprising him somehow, but since we weren't 'trying' i thought he might just keel over & i really wanted someone to go through it all with.

nov. 24th thanksgiving day:  wake up around 8:00 lay there and snuggle until we both see that the other is awake around 8:30.  we prayed & thanked God for the many blessings in our lives and asked that God would help to grow and mold us to be more like Him. that we would be full of the Spirit and that our home would glorify God.  we are so thankful for what the Lord has done.  then i took another test.  this time the control window did not stay white.  nor did the question mark box.  it was a plus sign.  i deep pink plus sign.

ben gets off the phone and says..."so what's going on in there?"  i respond "uhhh...babe"  and i think we both know what's going on.  we pray again.

we prayed- much thanks and for guidance and praise for God's goodness

such a mess of emotions:  fear, unknown, excitement, thanksgiving, questions, love  -- we're scared about finances and all the changes that will happen, we talk about dr.'s appointments, it's completely surreal.

then we do what all good parents would do...scour the internet to try and get a crash-course on babies.  we know nothing.  i should be about 5 weeks along-ish and ben says "our baby looks like a dinosaur" based on webmd.

nothing feels very different for me yet.  i have had cramps for about a week and a half but without the girly time to make it make sense.  itty bitty backaches.  but no headaches or extra fatigue which is comical because i'm kind of famous for terrible headaches and being inexplicably tired. [this did change after i wrote this...fyi]

it's thanksgiving weekend.  we literally see nearly everyone we know in the world.  three sides of our families, extended families, two giant sets of friends in two different cities, and our yl family too.  keeping the secret with it being so new was unbearable.  and i still hadn't been to a doctor.  we waited to take a second home test the next morning [they say that's the best time].  it was another positive.  sunday evening i hop into urgent care just to see if they'll set me up an appointment with the lab at our clinic on monday.  my dr. doesn't take calls until after 8 but the lab is open at 7 so i could go without missing work if u.c. would just set me up!  instead they say, we can see you right now.  i wasn't prepared.  ben wasn't there and i got all clammy and my heart was beating fast. we were going to hear a professional tell us...for real.

the doctor comes back and says "congratulations, you are pregnant!"  holy crap.  that's what i think.  i don't think i said it out loud but i might have.  so surreal...so so so surreal.  she tells me all the things that i shouldn't and should do - like do drink water, don't do meth.  and she told me that i should call an ob/gyn.

they want to see me immediately - mainly to again tell me to drink water and not do meth.  but i was excited for that too.  they took another test, that was again positive.  it still doesn't feel real.  but this time ben's here so maybe i'm not imagining it.  they draw a gallon of my blood [not an exaggeration] and send me on my merry way.

dec 2:

at our first ever baby dr. appointment...

actually felt like this:

and my sweet & awesome husband right there with me:

once we had even more confirmation we knew we'd want to tell our families.  we weren't all going to be together for a few more weeks but christmas was quickly approaching.  what better gift than to give all your families a baby, right?  we started hatching a plan.  i'll be back soon with how that unfolded.

and it may not be ok but i just have to post this heinous picture of me.  this was the morning of the first 'yes' test.  rolled out of bed, all kinds of crazy, wearing my ducks [appropriate] and full of pure joy!

some of the best news we've ever shared

our little family is expanding from two to three.  

there is a little one on the way, a tiny baby bean, an itty bitty. this little one may be a little bit of a 'surprise' to us but we know that it is all in God's perfect timing & we could not feel more blessed.  so here goes just about the biggest adventure we've ever been on...

it's about to get pretty infant-tastic around here so if you hate babies, you may not like it here.

here's me & babe, today in all my belly-ness

cheers! happy new year!

i know i'm a few days behind but happy new year friends!  i really feel like my life is flying by.  what in the world?  you know you're getting old when you think things like "where has the time gone?" 

we had an absolutely lovely time ringing in the new year with some good friends.  we were able to go out to fancy dinner, eat my weight in steak and then spend the evening 'in' just visiting and feeling bad about dick clark.

we were joined by a few more couples later in the evening but here are some of our only shots

[stolen from carly]

2011 was another fantastic year.  i feel like i grew as a disciple, as a wife & as a friend but i still have a long way to go in becoming the woman i'd like to be someday.  i was reminded after a new year's day spat with my husband that i always need to be seeking Christ - hard.  running with all that i've got.  not to be lazy & complacent [which is really easy for me to fall into].  i just recently read through hosea with some girls and the overwhelming theme was that God's people, though He had provided for and loved them abundantly had forgotten Him at every turn & God hated that, was heartbroken over that.  i don't want my life to be a reflection of that part of israel's history.  i want to be the one of the ten lepers who comes back with thanksgiving and praise, recognizing who it is that brings me such great joy and real life.

i thought of making a list of 'resolutions.'  i really like goals, working towards something, & checking things off a list but for whatever reason i'm not sure that is going to be best for me this year.  my list was long of "do more _____" and "do less _____" and instead i think everyday i will set some goals before me - namely to be a disciple whose treasure is Jesus.  that's my goal and daily i will seek ways to make that a reality for my life, mind & heart.

happy 2012 all.  i hope it is fantastic & full.

meeting evie

so one of my best friends in the world just had the most precious little bundle of joy.  she is perfect and tiny and has the softest little cheeks.  thank goodness i was off work on friday so i was able to get up there asap.  i couldn't hardly stand the wait.

ben told me i looked like i was on drugs here.  i had to include it.  i wasn't on drugs with babies - i promise.  i just have bad timing i'm thinking.  and maybe frizzy hair...whatever.  look at the baby!

::snuggle monster::

and this is the first of many girlie outfits i plan on purchasing for my little 'niece'.  um tiny laced leggings, fabric flowers & stripes...oh please!

congratulations friends!  we could not be MORE happy for you all.  you are excellent parents and we will be praying for God's guidance & continued work in & through your family.  we're so blessed by you!

christmas in review

for us our holidays are very full.  full in a good way.  we are so blessed with giant families and wonderful friends and i really wish i had a month just for deep visits and relaxing with the people we love.  instead we have a few consecutive weekends but we make the most of it.  out of all of the celebrations i really only took about a dozen pictures.  i'm the worst.  but don't let that fool you.  the times together were perfect.

for christmas we spent the weekend in chicago with benny's family.  we switch each year between our families but really we still get to see everyone we just change up the day.  chicago is always a blast. this year we arrived after all the fish had been cleaned at grandma ada's so we just started working at the deli.  his family owns an italian deli in chicago heights full of yummy things that i don't know how to pronounce.  it was all hands on deck for christmas weekend.

it's really fun to see who all will stop in.  so many of them know the family.  some just wanted to stop in to see all the commotion because its so crazy in there.  everyone wants roast beef & sausage.  it really could be a reality tv show.

on christmas eve they have a big ol' fish fry / bake.  don't worry i don't starve.  i even find something for my picky self.  we do a hilarious version of white elephant & visit - ben got some foot chargers circa 1987 [shown below] that are awesome and so 80's-ful and i 'won' a giant glass rooster full of vinegar and peppers.  we had slumber parties & road trips. it was indeed a blast.

at each of my parents house i failed even more picture-wise.  ben did get some awesome pics of our little nephew in his christmas pj's.  obsessed!

look at that face!

at my pop's house we also only got two shots. good thing one is great!  my little brother opening the frog we got him.  how awesome is that?  that's his...is-this-really-for-me-face.

and back to our place...

although we didn't spend a ton of time at home over the weekends i did thoroughly enjoy having our house dressed up for the holidays.  the presents were wrapped with care and i just couldn't wait for our friends and family to receive them.  i love twinkling lights and glittering ornaments.  the 'special' ornaments are my favorites.  the individual ones, given as gifts, something 'special' just for our tree.  my family gives us one each year and now i've carried that on for ben and i, so each year we get 2 to 4 new sweet treats.  one day i hope our tree will just be filled with them.  they are my favorite to pull out each year.

i cut out free, printable tags from [here & here].  they were a big hit, everyone loved them, including me.  i'd like to use them again next year but i don't know if that's "ok".

ben and i have only done stockings for each other the past few years.  we think it is a good way to give thoughtful things to each other without spending tons of money [that we don't really have].  i got ben a couple things that wouldn't fit into his stocking physically but were for his 'stocking' really.  i wrapped a couple things up and stuck his stocking on top.  fair game right?

i had him open the biggest / best present last.  he tore apart the wrapping paper and then lifted the box lid.  "aw babe, what's this?" he asks in a really sweet but confused voice.  hmm...it should have been a fleece i thought.  i lean up so i can see from the floor...it's all of my girl christmas crafts.  it basically looks like i wrapped up a bunch of random items from around the house and gave it as the 'best' gift.  oh geesh, if you're going to be embarrassed at least it's in front of your husband.  we had a good laugh about it.  i really had to go quite out of my way to wrap the wrong box and all the clanking as i flipped the box should have been a good indicator that the box wasn't filled with fleece pullovers but hey, you live and learn.  better luck next year!