Wednesday, July 11, 2012

are you ready?

that is the question i get a lot these days.  are you ready?  are we ready?  well i don't know if i can speak for benny - i'm not 100% sure what he's feeling - but i know for me, that question brings all kinds of mess to the surface.  i feel completely ready to meet this sweet little miracle of a girl that has been growing in my belly for the last nine months.  i can't wait to hold her and squeeze her.  to see her dad take care of her & 'boop' her little button nose.  i can't wait to sing her songs and rock her and read to her.  i can't wait to tell her how much her creator loves her and is just crazy over her.  i can't wait to give her all kinds of tiny baby kisses and cover her in hair bows.  i can't wait to smell her little baby smell & give her baths.  i can't wait to read to her out of her Jesus storybook bible.  i can't wait to call her by her name and see her grow right before our eyes daily.


truth be told, i'm really scared.  and unprepared. and overwhelmed. mentally, emotionally, intellectually, physically - not ready.  i don't know very much, i haven't read very much, i haven't been around very many newborns for any significant amount of time at all.  i haven't had a lot of time to really process my thoughts on becoming a mom and i haven't had a lot of time to organize our home.  this half of me feels not ready. not ready at all.  i know what people say, that it will come, we'll adjust, we'll make it.  i know all that is true, we aren't the first people in history to have a little baby - but for whatever reason it doesn't give me peace.  it doesn't make me 'ready'.  i'm terrified of change and of failing.  i'm scared of not doing a good job as a wife and mom, friend, daughter, minister of the gospel, etc.  i'm already not very good at juggling it all, what if i only get worse!?
i know these are all just insecurities or even lies but it's pretty hard to push them aside.  i just keep telling myself true things and hope that it sticks.  the Lord has always kept us and blessed us.  he has provided for us at every turn and has never let us go.  why would he quit now?  i'm praying for grand perspective and i'm praying that the reality that His grace is sufficient would sink deep into me.

little babe, we're gonna make it.  i think.  stay cozy in there until the big day rolls around.  your mom & pop cannot wait to be your parents [even if we're not so great at it].  you've blessed our family so much already.  we love you dearly.


  1. you'll never feel ready. I have a one-year-old and half the time I don't feel 'ready.' and practically always 'overwhelmed.' you just do the best you can and adore that little one. you won't be perfect. ever. none of us are. but you will be a fantastic mama all the same and love emmie with all your heart, and that is all that matters, sil. :)

  2. Jen Jen,

    You and Benny will do fantastic :) I cannot wait to meet her. I remember when Parker was a newborn and I would feel like a mess, Eric would remind me that my only job for the day was to cuddle and love him. Remembering when they're itty bitty, your main job is to love them like crazy brought me a lot of peace!

    ... and when you feel like you might be on the verge of losing your mind ... call Ang and I and we will take you out to lunch!

  3. Jen- You are going to be a fabulous momma! I know it's crazy overwhelming, but you will get it all figured out one day at a time. I am so excited for you and Ben and Carter can't wait to have someone to play with! We love you guys! ~Sarah

  4. Jen I have been following your pregnancy every step of the way. You have such a sweet nature about you and I'm sure baby emmie will too. I felt the same way you did about 10 weeks ago, in fact I feel the same way very single morning. Am I really ready to take care of these girls all day? You'll make it through, it's not easy but you have evrything you need. Enjoy your last couple weeks with your husband and yourself! Love you!

  5. I feel like I would be the exact same way. Hang in there :) Its gonna be GREAT!

  6. oh friend, you are already there, you are fully equipped! emmie is one lucky little girl. love you so much , and so excited to walk through this little journey of raising kids together!


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