39 weeks + 40 and a day

what's cooking? [new baby things]: babe is somewhere between 7 and 8 pounds and 19 or 21 inches long.  her brain is growing at a super fast rate.  yay smart baby. babe is head down and pushing on all my things.

gender: teeny tiny little girl! our mini, emmie collins.

movement: she has longer periods of resting now but when she's moving she is REALLY moving.  moving all over, and for big chunks of time.  in the middle of each night she starts her baby rave and it doesn't really stop until i get up in the morning.  i still loving knowing that she's ok in there but now that she's bigger it can get pretty uncomfortable or even painful.

momma developments: i'm still doing well.  i'm achy-er than normal, feeling gigantic & tired as all get out - but from what i hear could be happening i think i've got it made.  i'm actually writing this at 40 weeks and a day and up until now i still haven't had a single contraction, braxton hicks or otherwise.  and no other sign that labor is on its way.  i'm praying that all that will change very very soon.  like now.   right now.

total weight gain:  35-36 pounds.

maternity clothes: yes ma'am!  bump-tastic.  there is no way you could squeeze me into normal clothes now! i'm even getting too big for a lot of my preggo clothes.  who even knew that could happen?

cravings: orange pop, dr. pepper and all things sweet.  why would this happen?

anything hard?
waiting.  UGH.  waiting and waiting and waiting.  i know she's only a day 'late' but i've been ready for over a week so now that her due date has come and gone i just cannot stand not knowing when she's going to be here.

walking and sleeping.

never forget:

we had an ultrasound at the beginning of week 39.  little em is doing just fine in there.  they measured her and checked all her little baby parts - everything is "perfect."  those were their words.  they have 8 measures that they check on and she passed each one with flying colors.  they also estimated her weight, they said she could be 8.2 pounds.  YIKES!  i hope that's not real.  my midwife smushed around on my belly yesterday and said she thinks it's more likely that she's around 7.5 pounds right now.  i choose to believe her. even just for my own sanity.

t.m.i alert:  i got checked yesterday and i was 1.5 cm dilated and 50% effaced for those of you wondering medically what's going on down there.  they're going to let me wait until next tuesday to see if she'll come on her own. i am praying praying praying that she comes on her own.

week 39 was my first week off work we got a lot done and can finally say we're really 'ready to go'.  we got to see all kinds of family and friends in our week off, organize the house, get your room in order, mow the yard etc.  we were so blessed to have benny's mom, emmie's future nonna, come down and help us clean the house.  like top to bottom, all kinds of clean.  it looks beautiful.  i don't ever want it to get messy again.  we were able to celebrate your great-grandma's birthday and got to see your great-great uncle, john from california.

little babe, our hospital bags are packed [you have one too].  your room is complete.  our house is clean.  now we just need a babe to bring in here.  we're so ready for you.

maternity pics: bun in the oven

this may be part 1 of 2, or maybe not.  we'll just have to see.  my sweet and talented friend jenna took all of these pictures for us to help document our growing little baby girl.  most of these are just shots of our body, she did take lots of pretty pictures of our faces [she's not a decapitation photographer] but these are a few i had saved to our desktop because i'm trying to pick just one bump to print for the baby's room, which by the way, is really coming along. 

jenna, thank you so much for taking the time to capture these special moments for us.

 katie was a fantastic assistant as well.  we have the sweetest friends!

 3 days until emmie collins' due date.  only. three. days.  that means she is in fact, coming very very soon.

first week of 'retirement'

my first week of 'freedom'.  maybe my only week of freedom depending on how you look at it.  benny and i have been resting, working & playing.  all complete necessities.  now that we've joined the rest of the world [iphone converts] i have a few more pictures for our life along the way.  i haven't documented everything but i'm getting a little better at it.  give it time.

we've been working on emmie's room a bunch.  we have a 'deadline' [aka e.c.'s birth] unfortunately we just don't know what day that is.  so we've been working pretty feverishly to get everything put together.  she's got a twin bed and crib kickin'.  her rocker, dresser & one curtain are all complete.  the last curtain is in the works, along with a little side table and all the pretties that will adorn her walls.  don't worry, i'll do a little nursery post to document it once it's a little more complete.  we're getting awfully close!

we've also had meetings with friends, lunch with my momma, a doctor's appointment & ultrasound [all is well], went swimming and ventured to a baseball game on a double date!

95 degrees is a little warm for me and this bump but i loved getting to hang out with them & ben and being at the ball park is always such a fun atmosphere.

let freedom week continue!  we'll be back for more oh so very soon :)

38 weeks

what's cooking? [new baby things]: babe grew to almost 7 pounds this week and nearly 20 inches long.  all of her little insides have continued to develop and will until [and after] she arrives.  i hope she's also currently devising an exit strategy.

gender: teeny tiny little girl! our mini, emmie collins.

movement: she has been a CRAZY mover for the past week.  today was the first day that she's slowed down at all.  she's still scooting around but is a little more chill today.  maybe the weekend wore her out.  update:  i spoke too soon.  she moved all night long.  all.night.long.  :) this week is the first time that she's really started to hurt me.  it felt a lot like if you had really sore muscles and then a tiny little person was punching those muscles over and over.  the pain isn't something to cry about or anything - just very uncomfortable.

momma developments: i'm still doing good.  i'm as tired, or more tired than ever.  basically the best timing to be able to be home i suppose.  i can sleep in a little later in the mornings and even take naps if needed.  i'm super excited about that.  i'm big and still can't bend of course.  the swollen feet come and go but haven't been so bad.  i'm pretty confident that either my stomach or intestines are on top of my ribs now - so that's pretty sick.  i still haven't had the dozens of 'bad' pregnancy side effects that are so common so i know i cannot complain one bit.  no stretch marks [yet], no heartburn, no headaches, etc.  we're so blessed & i'm real thankful for such good health.

total weight gain:  34-35 pounds so far.  i haven't gained anything in the past few weeks.  i'm not really sure how that all pans out since i know she's gaining weight but it may be that i can't eat that much at a time anymore.  she's taking up too much room for me to be a bottomless pit these days.

maternity clothes: yes ma'am!  bump-tastic.  there is no way you could squeeze me into normal clothes now! i'm even getting too big for a lot of my preggo clothes.  who even knew that could happen?

cravings: not much really.

anything hard? 

a few days were rough this week. my mood was real strange.  a little irritable and grumpy and tired and i just couldn't shake it.  i hated feeling like that.  i had a good cry in a buy buy baby parking lot and that helped.  embarrassing but helpful.

never forget:

itty bitty emmie, this week we took you to your 38 week dr.'s appointment.  everything was just fine but again your heart rate wasn't what they wanted it to be.  it was about 108 as a baseline and they want you to be above 120.  so they hooked us back up to a monitor, just like the week before.  they said that you have beautiful acceleration and movement so they aren't real worried about your baseline being a bit lower.  we're praying hard that you're alright in there and that it doesn't point to any problems.  we have another appointment on tuesday to check on you which makes me feel excited and puts me more at ease.  any time i can get a glimpse of what's going on in there - i'm thrilled.  we are also getting an ultrasound just to take a peek and double check every little thing.
 

this week you got to celebrate your little baby cousin, cormac's first birthday!  i'm pretty positive that you were in love and especially drawn to the little gentlemen theme.  i'm sure you will appreciate a good gentleman someday.  i hope that you and mac grow up to be friends & i cannot wait to see the two of you running around the house together, building forts at family gatherings, etc.  because you had a family gathering and your other grandparents live right down the road, you were actually able to see all your grandparents this week.  treat!

this week, like usual, you were pretty busy.  you got to have multiple lunches with friends.  you were able to have a special lunch with the ladies at work to mark your last week at the office and you got to visit with the margrave's, including your future bff, evie.  you all have matching headbands.  i can't wait until you rock them together.  she's only about 6 months older than you so hopefully you'll catch up soon & she can show you all about ruffles.

as i mentioned here, i had my last day of work which i've been counting down for quite some time.  little mini, i am so excited to be your mom and spend my days at home with you.  from other mommas i hear that some of the days are going to be hard and long.  i'm ok with that.  there are so many things that i'm excited for us to do and learn together - i'll take the good with the bad.  and when your pop gets home from work or we have those sacred weeks off in the summer together, geesh, be still my heart.  i mean, i just cannot picture anything i'd rather be doing than being home & adventuring through life with y-o-u.

the end? the beginning?

yesterday marked the end and the beginning of some big things in my life.  it was my last day at work.  i've been working as an inside sales rep for a screenprinting company for the past four and a half years [glamorous i know] and friday was officially the end.  like i mentioned on my pic caption, it is a bittersweet day, but mostly sweet.  i utterly despised working 40 hours a week but my job really was pretty simple, we were more than provided for, & i got to work with a bunch of great people.  picture 'the office' if michael scott loved Jesus.  it's kind of like that.  i'm going to miss those parts.  it will be so strange to go to bed and not have work to go to in the morning.  

one of the biggest blessings to me was getting to see people just a little older than me and how they view family, work, life and the Lord.  getting to hear their conversations, how they were discipling their families, how generous they were to others - that was so good for me.  we don't know a ton of people in that next stage of life [with kids who are a little older, life in their 30's, etc.] so i truly loved getting to experience that.  there were definitely people there who i look up to.  and people i just really enjoyed spending my days with [if it had to be at work].  we have certainly shared a whole mess of hours working in a 'cabin' together & a whole lot of laughs to get us through.

it's not all sad.  that end means i'm starting a new adventure.  one of mommy-hood, at home.  i'm pretty sure that i was made for this.  eventually i'm hoping to find something part-time / from home that i can get into but until then...i'm going to be soaking up all the time i can making our house a home, caring for a little bean & hopefully investing in my husband, babe, friends & h.s. girlies.  i could not be more thrilled that our timing and finances are working out in such a way that this is even possible.  i know that it is all divine.  there will be somewhere between 2 or 3 weeks where ben and i will get to be home together after little emmie comes and i cannot imagine a better situation.  after that benny will begin teaching.  while i will seriously miss him being at home with the babe & i, i just can't get over the fact that he's going to begin his career and basically at the perfect time as far as our family is concerned.  i am simply amazed by the Lord's provision.

so this may not be an exciting post to those of you reading but let me assure you, this post is a very big deal to our little family.  goodbye 8 to 5.  hello, adventure.

are you ready?

that is the question i get a lot these days.  are you ready?  are we ready?  well i don't know if i can speak for benny - i'm not 100% sure what he's feeling - but i know for me, that question brings all kinds of mess to the surface.  i feel completely ready to meet this sweet little miracle of a girl that has been growing in my belly for the last nine months.  i can't wait to hold her and squeeze her.  to see her dad take care of her & 'boop' her little button nose.  i can't wait to sing her songs and rock her and read to her.  i can't wait to tell her how much her creator loves her and is just crazy over her.  i can't wait to give her all kinds of tiny baby kisses and cover her in hair bows.  i can't wait to smell her little baby smell & give her baths.  i can't wait to read to her out of her Jesus storybook bible.  i can't wait to call her by her name and see her grow right before our eyes daily.

but...

truth be told, i'm really scared.  and unprepared. and overwhelmed. mentally, emotionally, intellectually, physically - not ready.  i don't know very much, i haven't read very much, i haven't been around very many newborns for any significant amount of time at all.  i haven't had a lot of time to really process my thoughts on becoming a mom and i haven't had a lot of time to organize our home.  this half of me feels not ready. not ready at all.  i know what people say, that it will come, we'll adjust, we'll make it.  i know all that is true, we aren't the first people in history to have a little baby - but for whatever reason it doesn't give me peace.  it doesn't make me 'ready'.  i'm terrified of change and of failing.  i'm scared of not doing a good job as a wife and mom, friend, daughter, minister of the gospel, etc.  i'm already not very good at juggling it all, what if i only get worse!?

i know these are all just insecurities or even lies but it's pretty hard to push them aside.  i just keep telling myself true things and hope that it sticks.  the Lord has always kept us and blessed us.  he has provided for us at every turn and has never let us go.  why would he quit now?  i'm praying for grand perspective and i'm praying that the reality that His grace is sufficient would sink deep into me.

little babe, we're gonna make it.  i think.  stay cozy in there until the big day rolls around.  your mom & pop cannot wait to be your parents [even if we're not so great at it].  you've blessed our family so much already.  we love you dearly.

37 weeks

what's cooking? [new baby things]: babe is full-term now.  that is pretty exciting!  her lungs should be just fine if she came now.  she is a little over 6 pounds and 19 inches long.  she's lost all those little baby hairs most likely and should be moving into her exit position (although i don't think she is head down right now).  in my 'expert' opinion. ha!  it just feels like she is still lying from side to side to me.

gender: teeny tiny little girl! our mini, emmie collins.

movement: i thought she might start slowing down a bit since her room is getting so snug but she's still moving as much as ever.

momma developments: mainly i'm just giant and tired.  other than that i feel great & am so thankful.  the swollen feet and ankles persist but aren't nearly as uncomfortable as they were during my week at camp.  the top half of my belly button has poked out now and you can see it through my shirts if you're looking for it.  sleep isn't so easy at this point, i'm interested to see how it goes as the next two weeks pass.

total weight gain:  ?? pounds.  i need to weigh myself again. oops!

maternity clothes: yes ma'am!  bump-tastic.  there is no way you could squeeze me into normal clothes now!

cravings: chocolate.  i don't really know if that is baby-related or not because i'm kind of a crazy over sweets full-time

anything hard? 
i got confused again about how far along i am.  i thought i had 40 full weeks in pregnancy and know that i have 14 days until her due date so this whole week I thought i was 38 weeks along and would be 39 weeks on monday (tomorrow) buuuut that's not really true because the baby's due date is on day 1 (or 0) of week 40.  all that to say...i had the right number of days going on my countdown but still haven't gotten this week / month count down just yet.  sad.

finishing out work.  it is really bittersweet because i actually don't mind my job and really love the people that i work with - but i am so tired and feel so overwhelmed with things to do at the house that i basically want to be anywhere other than behind a desk for 40 hours a week.

juggling life - what else is new!?

never forget:

you got to see your friends shannon and andy this weekend. you technically met at girl christmas but you were only 8 weeks old so you weren't much of a bump yet.  now you're a squirmy worm and she got to visit you so much.  she talked to you and told you how much she loves you.  lucky for us she'll be back soon after you come for a wedding so it won't be another 6 months before you visit her again.

breakfast at doodles with friends. 

momma's tired face after staying up way.too.late visiting!

this weekend was also your grandpa's birthday.  we got to celebrate my pop and his life with a chunk of our family.  it was very sweet.

the parties were basically non-stop over the weekend.  we celebrated sweet holly & her upcoming marriage to matt.  i'll write more about it soon but it was so fun to visit with friends and celebrate.

since it was our first week back from camp you were able to have fun with campaigners every night this week.  whenever we get home we try and be with people. a. lot.  as tiring as that is for me / us i know it is so good and i wouldn't trade that time for anything.

on wednesday we celebrated the 4th of july with friends at the corsi's.  you went swimming, which i'm pretty sure you loved and you got to show off your mad bump skills in momma's super tight tankini. it was sunny and a beautiful day to be with friends that we love, celebrating our country.  while we were down there kari told your dad all kind of tips for him to be a great teacher [which starts in just barely a month].  it was really fun to hear them talk and to think about your poppa starting this new adventure teaching lil babes like you!  and i got to see the fabric for your bumpers in person. love!  i can't wait for them to be sweetly wrapping around your crib.

we were so generously surprised when my mom, your nana, brought us all kinds of yummy groceries to the house.  i had been meaning to go to the store since we've returned from camp and hadn't gotten around to it yet.  she stocked our pantry and fridge - one of the best gifts ever!  thanks momma!

last but not least we went to a dr.'s appt.- at the 37 week appointment we had a strep b test which wasn't nearly as awful as i thought it would be and we get the results back tomorrow.  i'm praying that they're negative so i don't have to get those drugs when i go into labor but if so, so be it.  we gotta make sure you're healthy afterall. they noticed that your heart rate was slower than they'd like it to be so they hooked us up to a monitor for about 30 minutes.  you were asleep so i'm thinking that's the reason it was so low.  when you woke up your heart beat went right back to normal and everything was a-ok.  quit giving us those little scares itty bitty!

everyday i wake up and think - "today we could have a baby.  holy crap!"

i have 5 days left of work. - 'nough said!

36 weeks

what's cooking? [new baby things]: babe weighs about 6 pounds and is about 18.5 inches long.  she is likely head-down by the end of this week & will also be full-term after these 7 days.  ow ow!

gender: teeny tiny little girl! our mini, emmie collins.

movement: still moving as much as ever but now that she is big[ger] she is really making some waves.  my belly shakes all over the place and she is so strong.  she definitely likes to say hi to her friends, especially her dad.

momma developments: this week we went to young life summer camp [i'll write more about that in a bit]. it was an awesome & hard experience.  due to the 100 degree temperatures and walking all over mountains i was pretty much spent.  my feet and ankles were boycotting by tripling in size.  just when i would think my little tootsies couldn't get any bigger they'd just get larger still.

total weight gain: 34 pounds

maternity clothes: yes ma'am!  bump-tastic.  there is no way you could squeeze me into normal clothes now!

cravings: nothing really.

anything hard? 
basically everything under 'momma developments.'  it's strange to have your body feel so different and be so much more limited in what you're able to do.  i'm not in great shape in normal life, i really never exercise [ever] but i definitely take just walking around and breathing easy for granted.  it's been hard to have an aching back and creaky hips.  when i wake up in the mornings i almost have to hunch over like a little old woman.

never forget:
emmie, this past week we took you to young life camp for the first time with a bunch of our friends from lafayette.  you were such a blessing while we were there.  the little girls love you so much.  they sang you show tunes and poked you.  they helped me get all over camp & let us sleep in a bunk instead of on the floor [that's love].  you got to be there while hundreds of kids heard the gospel and experienced Jesus.  that was really special.  spending a week learning about these girls' lives got me so excited for you to be here.  it helped me get a really clear picture of what i do and don't want our family to be about - hearing about a bunch of broken people and families will do that to you.  it reminded me of what a privilege and responsibility we have as your parents to love you well & teach you true things.  i want us to give you such a clear picture of who Jesus really is.  i know that we'll screw up sometimes but i pray that God will cover us in grace and that you'd experience the Lord yourself - that we wouldn't distort that for you.  i want you know that following Christ is your own decision, not something that we can give you.  and we just pray and pray that someday you'd run into the arms of the Father.

in addition to all that the little girls showed me, i'll never forget the way our sweet team took such good care of me.  they helped me get all over camp, lead kids so well [i never had to worry one ounce about how well kids were being loved - our team is so faithful] and they encouraged me often with the way they served.

seeing your dad lead guys is one of the most awesome things i've ever witnessed.  he loves them so much and with purpose.  and to see how they respond to him - pure joy.  i hope he leads you like that someday.  that he'd teach you about real things and talk to you about life.

one awesome camp story is that one of ben's guys hurt his hip and needed some tylenol.  i had plenty so i tried to walk it down to their cabin.  the bell had already rang so everyone was inside their cabins for the night.  with it being a ton of high school guys i was kind of uncomfortable just wandering around open windows and knocking on doors so i wasn't sure just want to do.  right on cue a guy leader walks up and i ask him nicely to go get my husband, that i just need to give him something.  he goes to ben's room and asks for him.  when he answers the guy says "you're wife needs you, it's time." - completely serious, well joking because he obviously knew i was real prego but completely straight faced to benny.  ben runs outside thinking that it's baby time and is followed by two of his guys.  i have no idea what two high school boys thought they would do in that situation but i do know that ben only grabbed his hat - so this should be interesting when the day does come!

the week that we were out of town we had a man putting in hardwood floors in the main part of our house.  i could not be more excited with how they turned out.  little babe is about to crawl over these new clean floors.  such an upgrade from the nasty, stained carpet.  i was only slightly concerned about how we were going to get all our furniture back in its place and clean everything that had a thick layer of sawdust on it - i should have been more concerned - i can't do anything nine months pregnant - i'm useless.

to our complete surprise, our unbelievable friends, gave us such a gift.  the postons along with holly & matt brought in all of our furniture, cleaned like crazy and even put little felt pads on our furniture all before we returned from our trip.  i could have cried walking into our home.  who has sweet friends like this?  that is laying down your life for your friends.  we are so blessed.  i was speechless and humbled beyond measure to have friends like that.  you're coming into a really amazing family little one.