this little blog (and our life, i suppose) have been completely swept up in a baby-love-fest over the last year or so. as thankful as i am for this little bean there have also been some adjustments that are difficult for me - things that surprised me, that i didn't expect to miss so much. most of these challenges are selfish and superficial but i guess they were just little joys that maybe i took for granted pre-parenthood. if you're a momma maybe you can relate [fingers crossed] and if you're not a momma maybe this will be a good reminder to savor some of the little pleasures. don't get me wrong, emmie is one of the most dear blessings we've ever received - we're just adjusting.
1. sleeping in & morning visits with benny: now this one i NEVER took for granted! i loved and appreciated every weekend that ben and i could take a few extra moments to rest in our fluffy, puffy cloud of a bed. i loved waking up with no plans (in the immediate future) & no alarms, where we could talk and laugh together. no distractions, no media, just us, pillows & sunlight peeking through the blinds. those are some of my favorite memories together. i know there will be times like that again someday and i'm excited for those. until then i'll miss no-plan-snuggles where our only responsibility is nailing down brunch ideas. i must say, a pretty fantastic consolation would have to be bringing the sweetest little squish into get her morning cuddles too. that's not so bad ;)
2. showering and getting ready uninterrupted: i definitely took this for granted! 100% - i actually haven't spent much time getting ready over the past four years (sorry boss - oh and sorry husband yikes!). i took quick showers, let my hair air dry, maybe did my makeup at a stoplight if i remembered that i wasn't wearing any before the light turned green. now i long to 'get ready'. i want a long shower, i want to blow dry my hair, straighten it or curl it, wear mascara at least. when you stay home alone all day, are always running late and your babe always seems to cry as you step out of the tub-primping falls by the wayside. i'm not even sure why i care. probably just because it's something i can't have right now. or maybe post-pregnancy just wanting to feel pretty back in my old skin again. you don't feel so pretty when you're dirty and covered in spit up. all that to say, savor your showers ladies!
3. running errands: i always kind of liked running errands. it's one of those things that feels 'adult' to me, and purposeful, and who are we kidding, i like to shop. today running errands is not such an easy task. now it produces a twinge on anxiety in me, i'm strategically planning my stops, the timing, emmie's feedings, when she sleeps best, stroller or no-stroller, etc. once, i even thought about calling kroger from the parking lot to see if they'd run something out to me so i wouldn't have to lug emmie and her carseat one more inch. i think it is more of a mental battle than actually being really difficult, but going out now [at least in my head] seems so different. far less spontaneous, and a lot more heavy lifting.
4. getting out of the house: this goes along with number 3 sort of. there's no easy way for us to run out anymore. i'm sure this has something to do with being an over-packer and crazy planner but gathering up everything we'll need while we're out of the house is never as quick as you'd think. it's no longer just searching for my keys in the couch cushions, it's also - burp cloths from the bedroom, blankets from the laundry, onesies from the closests, the kitchen sink [just in case]. pre-babe i always was a few minutes behind, at life, and now i feel like we will
never make it on time. anywhere. ever. i'm sorry in advance to all the people we'll keep waiting in the future. who knows how people do it with multiple kids. blows my mind!
5. everyday dates with ben: at a moments notice ben and i were able to run off to dinner or to see a movie. and we did that, a lot. lots of our evenings were full of friends, family and ministry things but it still wasn't difficult to carve out time together. we could kind of be a little selfish with our time together. we could do things on the fly. now there will always be 'a plan' - until weekends at the grandparents start up [wink wink]. running out to dinner will require a sitter or we'll be accompanied by our beautiful babe. it's not bad, just different and it's meant much fewer dates. we ask for sitters for lots of things now [young life, games, weddings, etc.] so we hate to ask for more. we don't want to abuse our generous family and friends.
6. friends at night: for all the number 5 reasons + being home to either feed emmie or put her to bed, i miss hanging out with our friends at night. i feel like we can get better at this, i'm just not sure how...yet. evenings spent laughing with & enjoying life with friends mean a lot to us. we may need to make adjustments to make this happen but just like dates with ben - we
need this.
7. getting up to lhs: this season of ministry for us has been
so different. we've been pretty out of the loop. i've really missed getting to be with girls as often as i'd like. i miss hearing about their lives, meeting new people, having a house full of kiddos. it's hard not to get discouraged when you feel like you're slacking but we still haven't settled into a new rhythm when it comes to life with a babe and loving high school students. i'm praying that it will come - quickly!
8. necklaces: no more long necklaces around the babe. similar to number 2, who even knew how much i'd like to accessorize until i can't really do it? who wants your infant headbutting your impostor rhinestones? not this momma. now, if i'm able, i'll snag one and throw it on before i run out by myself just to feel a little sparkle - those days are pretty few and far between.
9. adult conversations: i miss adult conversations and i believe i drive ben crazy on a daily basis because of this. spending all day with our princess is such a gift but she doesn't really have very deep talks with me [believe it or not]. i do get time with girl friends and with ben every now and then but i feel like even my conversations revolve around babies because that's what consumes my days. i want to get better about this. i want to be learning and growing as well as spending time with emmie c. i want to invest in other people & hear about them instead of babble only about babes.
10. no stains on clothes: i took for granted unstained clothes. it never crossed my mind that 70% of my wardrobe would now be stained post-baby. spit up stains things. who knew that? it seems like it should wash right out but what do you know? now i'm much more careful about what i wear about little bean. i feel like i've never seen stains on my friends. i've never heard them mention it. it is just me? enjoy your clean clothes friends!
i hope that didn't sound like a complaint factory! i just want to be able to look back at what was awesome and also what was challenging in this season. no doubt i'll look back on this in a few months and realize how silly most of these little bumps are - i'm excited for that. what about you? any life surprises sneak up on you?
Oh Jen, you are most definitely not alone. I am convinced that the transition from zero kids to 1 kid has to be the hardest transition since it is a complete lifestyle change. But some encouragement: it does get better. Emmie will get older and not require so much planning and you/ben will adjust to your new lifestyle and grow in so many ways
ReplyDeleteWhat a great & honest post :) Trust me, this momma feels the same way! It's all worth it, but there are definitely days when I miss leisurely getting ready for a date night or sleeping in as late as I want.
ReplyDeleteoh Jen you just described what felt like my entire first year of parenting. There are still some of those things I miss but you adjust it becomes a new normal but very different from life before children. I agree with Lauren it does get better, you grow a lot and change your first year of parenthood and then it just sort of becomes the norm. You will shower again, you will sleep in, and you will find your routine that works for you. It just takes time.
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to each and every one of these!! My sweet baby Mason is 9 weeks old today and being our first child, this is a complete life changer. He is a wonderful addition to our family, but you do miss the normal routine pre-baby sometimes. I'm getting ready to head back to work in several weeks too, so things should get really interesting then!
ReplyDeleteI would love to care for Emmie for an entire weekend so you & Ben can go out and sleep in. Just pick a date and pump lots to get a good reserve for princess bean to eat. She will be well loved and cared for.
ReplyDeleteLove you and glad to read your honest post. I felt the same way 27 years ago. Love,
Nonna Mary
Good post Jen!! It's not complaining, it's just stating fact! It's the whole, you don't know what you don't know kinda thing. Being in the parent club is more worth it than anything BUT you kinda wanna shake every single person, newly married without kids person and say, 'do you realize what you can do because you don't have kids!' Now come and babysit mine so I can do that too! haha
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